Grandmothers: “Moms with Lots of Frosting”

 

My Grandma Hazel was a loving woman; she was a devoted grandmother, mother and wife. For over 60 years, she loved my Grandpa with all her heart. When he got older and became ill and frail, she was his loving caretaker, which became increasingly difficult as his life was ending. One time after Grandma Hazel finished cleaning up one of Grandpa’s bigger messes, as she walked out of the bedroom, she stopped, leaned one hand against the wall and announced to the family there, “And they shoot men like Lincoln!” At first the room was silent but as soon as everyone realized what she was saying everyone in the room erupted in laughter, including Grandma Hazel! One of her special gifts was finding humor in every situation. That was my Grandma Hazel; funny and sassy and always saying exactly what she thought. There was never any doubt about how she felt about something. We all loved that about her.

 

She was a very cool lady--adored by all. She and Grandpa lived on beautiful Arbutus Lake in remote Traverse City, Michigan years before it was comfortably inhabitable. But it was (and is) one of the most magical places in the world; she recognized its magic the first time they ventured down the sandy two-track to the hill overlooking the lake, the place they eventually made their home. She was an explorer and adventurer who came to know every secret place where magic could be found. She took any willing visitor to the most obscure scenic places in the area. Grandma Hazel was the ultimate guide to all things curiously unknown.

 

Thirteen grandchildren were blessed with Grandma Hazel’s love, hearty laugh, sparkling eyes, brutal honesty and clever wit. She was one of a kind, and when she passed away, all of our hearts skipped away with her. She was instrumental in shaping who I am today,  and I will always be grateful for the gifts she gave. I learned the value of a loving family, a good sturdy sense of humor, curiosity, strength, and most importantly, how to relax and have fun! 

 

I learned so much from both of my grandmothers. I was remarkably blessed to have two amazing grandmothers in my life. Grandma Sharkey was like my second mom; my parents divorced leaving my mom very busy making a living and raising four children on her own. Grandma Sharkey filled the gap. 

 

Not unlike Grandma Hazel, Grandma Sharkey was an integral force in my development; I’m not sure who I’d be today without her influence. By loving me fiercely, she taught me how to love without conditions. Grandma Sharkey was more traditional than Grandma Hazel; she expected my siblings and I to behave with good manners and to be polite at all times. She demonstrated appropriate ways to behave in public and gave us “the look” when we weren’t. She had a special way of correcting all of her grandchildren.

 

Grandma Sharkey also had a quiet sense of humor, and yet it was always present. I lived to make her smile. She was one of the most generous people I ever knew; giving anyone anything she could. Christmas was her favorite time of year, and I can still see in my mind’s eye how the mountain of presents seemingly dwarfed the tinsel covered Christmas tree.

 

I remember the distinct smell of their home, rebuilt from scratch after losing everything in the Palm Sunday tornado in 1964. Everything smelled older, with food aromas baked in like a love recipe. I can remember Grandma’s scent, sweet and sour with remnants of an Avon fragrance, lingering on her wrinkled, soft skin.

 

She loved to feed me comfort food and care for me, giving me the nurturing I so desperately craved. She kissed my ouchies, bandaged my cuts and rocked me when I was sad and hurting. Her love patched me up and made me whole again.

 

She was faithful and steadfast…my safe place.

 

Grandmothers give us something mothers cannot give. They play with us in different ways, breaking rules and telling secrets. Their love for us is deepened with the desire to do things with us they didn’t do with our parents-- a do-over of sorts. They embrace us with less hectic lives, leaning into time as if it were precious. As matriarchs, grandmothers are pillars--an important part of our foundation. With a fullness of grace, we learn lessons that take us into our adult years, creating in us a deeper sense of belonging.