Managing Money Mishaps
“We’re overdrawn again,” states the wife.
“Again? Man, that sucks! Well, I’m sure it’ll be alright,” the husband replies. “We still meeting the Jones’ out for dinner tonight? I was really looking forward to that new sushi place.”
“Dinner? We can’t afford dinner now. You’re going to have to call and cancel with them. We just can’t afford it. We’re not eating out the rest of the year!” demands the wife.
“But it’s only the first week of January,” stammers the husband.
And on it goes.
If you’ve been married for any length of time, I’m sure you know the rest: the snowball of emotions, the rehashing of past mistakes and the continued frustrations of failing to meet your financial goals year after year. There is no way around it: money + marriage = mishaps. Though we all know money isn’t the real problem in a marriage, it certainly accentuates the issues (much like salt on food) by exposing underlying emotions about money and behaviors toward money, which are the real culprits.
Although it’s easy to point fingers at our spouses when facing financial problems, my guess is that your struggles with money are completely opposite than that of your spouse. By ourselves, we all have our limitations, but despite the greater possibility for conflict, when working together, our potential for a greater level of financial success is only amplified.
For my wife and me, after almost 11 years of marriage, a failed business and some hefty hospital bills, we’ve certainly seen our fair share of conflict over finances. But thankfully, by working together and learning to empower each other to focus on our strengths, we’ve been able to prosper even in a down economy and are making great strides towards our goal of becoming debt free. With a little hard work and some healthy communication, you can too!
Here are our top five tips for managing money mishaps.
Increase Communication
Since money mishaps can sometimes potentially lead to heavy conflict and arguments, the tendency is to talk about money less, rather than more. But because of the highly fluid and ever evolving nature of personal finances, regular conversation is a must. Consider having a conversation regarding new financial strategies and any adjustments that need to be made due to changes in your personal lives, such as the addition of seasonal expenses or upcoming vacations. In addition, carve out time to deal with any frustrations either of you have had recently with the state of your finances.
Develop a Plan
As the old adage goes, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.” Perhaps nowhere is this truer than in the realm of personal finances. Obviously a budget is a great place to start, but that in and of itself won’t prevent the conflict. In my marriage, within reason, we don’t spend money without first talking about it. This helps us to stay on the same page, to anticipate what expenses we might have each day, and to create time for us to dialog more about our money.
Create Realistic Expectations
Having a goal to payoff $100,000 of debt in six months may be realistic if your last name is Kardashian, but if it’s not, you may want to create a more sensible timeline based upon your income and ability to save. Having unrealistic expectations will only serve to create further conflict and emotional letdowns. Finding the perfect balance between idealism and realism will help keep you both in check.
Follow Up Regularly
Even the best budget needs revisited and fine tuned often. Schedule time with your spouse (there’s a reason you have that smart phone) when you can block out time to discuss how your financial year is going as well as any course corrections that may be needed. Do this regularly, and you’ll avoid hours of financial controversy.
Do What You’re Best At
When Krissy and I first got married, we really banged heads over dealing with our finances. We were both working fulltime and entered the marriage with our own ideas on how best to handle our money. It took us awhile to realize it, but most of our conflict was revolving around forcing each other to do tasks that neither one of us were gifted at. I’m detail challenged, so handling our budget was difficult for me, but I’m highly relational and found that I actually enjoyed calling on our bills, checking balances and negotiating better rates. When we finally released each other to focus on our strengths, we discovered a new sense of value and togetherness in dealing with our money.
Ask For Help When You Need It
Some problems are too big and complicated to try to tackle alone. If you and your husband are consistently reaching emotional overload or having heated arguments, it’s probably time to seek some professional counsel. For some, a financial planner may be a good place to start, while others might consider contacting their local church and inquiring about what financial coaching ministries they may have in place.
So after all of this, are our finances perfect? No. For me, I can’t keep a receipt for the life of me (I’m convinced a shape-shifting, paper-eating gremlin named “Sir Eatsalot” lives in my wallet.) For my wife, don’t ask her to call to check on a bill. Despite being able to tediously enter the numbers in the checkbook, she’d rather set something up online then waste time talking to someone over the phone. (Personally, I think she’s afraid of getting the annoying hold music stuck in her head.) In the end, the key to managing money mishaps is to remember that the goal isn’t perfection, it’s togetherness.
