It Started With an Ugly Sweater Contest...
One Man’s Revelation as to Where His Old Stuff Ends Up
Downsizing is one of the biggest trends today. Spring is around the corner, and it’s a great time to clean house. After a while, we all just accumulate stuff. But what if it’s his stuff, that for whatever insane reason, he won’t let go of? What’s a Sassy woman to do?
Over the holidays, we had our annual Ugly Sweater contest at the office. While some were running to Goodwill to get theirs, it was no problemo for me. In my closet was a stash of my threads from the 80s, but when it came time to pick one out…shriek! Gone. The brightly multicolored, baggy, striped zig-zag designs that I felt were so cool years ago – all gone.
My hideous sweater in last year’s contest exposed their existence to my wife, and shortly after, they got tossed. It took me a year to realize it. After a short-lived argument (guess who won that one?), I did a survey of sassy women to find out how they managed their men’s stuff. They couldn’t just throw our stuff out like that, could they?
Just Throw It Out. He’ll Never Know.
There was a wife who had to pack his stack of decades old college textbooks the first two moves. He absolutely would not give them up. She told me she’d rather move the oven than those boxes. The third move, the textbooks didn’t make it. Five years later, after the 3rd move, he still doesn’t know they’re gone.
“Oh, sure. All my girlfriends do it. How do you think we’d ever get rid of all that junk?” she casually admitted.
I was appalled at the genius of it all. We men don’t stand a chance. We can’t even tell stuff is getting thrown out because we don’t even know what’s missing. There are probably millions of men every day running around in some futile attempt to find some stuff that must have “just been misplaced.”
Oops, Sorry.
Another woman described a pair of pants her husband wore constantly. She couldn’t stand them; her friends started calling them nasty-pants. While ironing them, she got a “phone-call,” and “oops,” left the iron on them too long. Guess they had to go, with that big burnt spot right in that critical area connecting the legs.
Guys should start wondering when their favorite shirt gets shrunk, or when their smelly old tennis shoes get chewed by the dog (perhaps thanks to the smear-them-with-steak juice method), or when his briefs suddenly turn pink in the washer.
What Fashion?
“I’m saving this, in case it comes back in style. It’s a perfectly good shirt,” says the guy.
Some fashion trends were just unfortunate mistakes that should never have made it in the first place. Like wide-lapel, skin-tight, polyester-flowered disco shirts.
“Maybe the kids can take them,” the guy chimes in again. (Something about their horrified look as they perked up to that comment says maybe not.)
Women, try using helpful phrases like, “I’m not going to be seen with you wearing that,” and “Why don’t you wear it to work tomorrow?”
Men just need to imagine the guffaws from some of their co-workers and the concerned “Are you okay?” and “Is there anything wrong?” from others for the disco shirt to go.
Ever Watch That Show “Hoarding?”
After watching one episode, it’s enough to make anyone throw out half the house. Talk about shock therapy. Just have the show conveniently playing on your DVR when he finally plops down with you on the couch.
Thank You, Sassy.
You’re doing us a favor. Without you, we may still be tempted to wear nasty-pants, smelly shoes and disco shirts. We are in a state of ignorant bliss because we didn’t have to go through the torment of giving up something that serves no more use other than a reminder of our youth.
You did it for us, without us ever knowing about it.
