He Said, She Said: Co-Worker Style
Can couples be co-workers? This duo is proof that it can happen.
After having been happily married for 10 years, Thom and Jeannine Villing decided to do something that other couples might think ill advised. They became co-workers. With his creative side and her public relations experience, they decided to form a marketing and communications agency. Thirty years later, they still work alongside one another as president and executive vice president at Villing & Company, South Bend, Ind.
So, how has their relationship survived three decades of co-working and cohabitating? Thom and Jeannine share their story and advice.
Does it take a certain type of couple to be able to work together?
Thom: I don't think there is any doubt about it. Not that we have anything special – it's just that it probably takes a certain mindset or mentality that I suspect many couples do not have.
Jeannine: I'm not sure every couple can work together, but, like marriage, it's also something that you have to work at. I think if you have common goals, respect each other's talents, are supportive during adversity and understand that you're not always going to agree, it can work and work well. I think it has worked for us because we've generally shared the same vision for our marriage and family life, as well as for the business.
One of the first things we said when we started the company is that our marriage was the most important thing. If for some reason we saw that slipping because of the business, then something would have to change in the business relationship. Like for many small businesses, we've been through a lot of ups and downs in the nearly 30-year history of Villing & Company, but we'll be married 40 years in June, and I feel like our marriage has only grown stronger. Like a strong marriage, the key is respect, honesty and love.
How is working with your spouse different from working with any other co-worker?
Thom: The biggest challenge is dealing with the familiarity. Obviously, spouses say things much more directly to one another based on that familiarity than ordinary co-workers would, or would even be appropriate. The key is not to let that familiarity result in the kind of bickering that might come out at home that is not only inappropriate at the office, but also makes other workers uncomfortable.
Jeannine: When you work together, it's easy to take each other for granted or to sometimes be a little too honest in communicating your feelings. So you need to agree to disagree and then walk away and give each other some space.
Because you know each other so well as husband and wife, it's also easy to think you know how your spouse will respond in a given situation. In business, it's important to keep an open mind and listen to everyone's views, so it's possible your spouse may surprise you and give a different answer or go a different direction than you expect.
What tips or tricks do you have to share with other co-worker couples?
Thom: The first would apply mostly to business owners, and that is to avoid taking serious office problems home. It's not always possible, but it is not healthy to spend too much time at home obsessing over work issues. From the start, we agreed that we would try to keep office matters at the office and not take them home. Candidly, we did a better job of that when our children were living at home than since we have become empty nesters, but we still try.
The second goes back to that familiarity issue. It really is important to try to keep one's personal relationship out of the office. Our staff members have told us on more than one occasion that, if they didn't know we were married, they wouldn't know we were married. So, I guess to that degree, we have had some success.
Jeannine: I think it's also important that you acknowledge that you're both going to make mistakes and have realistic expectations. Sometimes there's a tendency to be the hardest on each other.
You also need to appreciate each other’s strengths, but be supportive and understanding of each other’s weaknesses. Allow each other the opportunity to do what each does best instead of expecting each other to be good at everything in running a business.
Probably the most important thing is that you don't look at it as a competition and that you understand and accept that you both have different work styles and that's okay.
What have you learned by working together?
Thom: I think I have a much greater appreciation of Jeannine's professional skills and how much she has learned as a businessperson than I would have had we not worked together. She has grown a lot in her role as a business manager and what I consider to be her position as one of the region's most skilled public relations practitioners, and it is great to observe that on a daily basis.
Jeannine: That respect and honesty are the foundation of anything, whether it's a marriage or a business. Watching Thom work has also taught me that looking at things positively is always better than dwelling on the negative. He's a very positive person and believes and sees the best in everyone. I think that's taken us a long way.
