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Not One of The Boys asks:
I work as an executive on a team where I’m the only female. I constantly feel like I have to prove to the team that I’m worthy of having a seat at the table. I often feel like they don’t value my input, and they dismiss my perspective without really listening. Sometimes I want to give up. Why does it have to be this way?
Charrise:
Don’t give up. It’s never been a more critical time to have women at the table in key executive roles. As a female, you contribute a unique and vital perspective. A woman’s natural connection with intuition, empathy, compassion – and sometimes good old-fashioned common sense – are valuable assets.
It’s significant that you are a woman amongst a team of men. You’ve earned your place, just by being you. Your full participation on the team adds essential value, whether others express it or not. Rather than assuming they don’t value your perspective, stand up for it. If you feel they don’t listen to you, say it another way until they hear you. Don’t be afraid to offer your perspective in spite of the feeling you get from them. Often, women make the mistake of thinking they need to act like a man in order to be respected. In fact, the real value is that you are not like them. Celebrate who you are, and lean into the unique perspective you bring. You might be surprised at the response you get when you stop expecting them to reject you.
If what you say matters, they will hear you.
The Stumped Leader asks:
I’m the sales manager for a great team of people, with the exception of one person who just can’t seem to fit in with the team. This person meets the minimum performance requirements and never really engages with team members. It’s awkward for everyone and disrupts the team vibe. Since he meets his numbers, I’m not really sure what to do about him.
Charrise:
If you know this person isn’t a “fit,” you also know what you need to do about it. Many managers avoid the obvious because they think it’s easier to prolong it than to do the difficult thing. In my experience, it’s always best to consider that what’s right for you and your team may also be right for the employee that isn’t thriving. After all, don’t you think he knows something is not right? What if you release him, and then he moves on to find the perfect place, where he does belong? Everyone wins.
Taking decisive action sends a message to your team that you are committed to creating an optimum culture where people thrive. Your actions speak louder than your words, as is always the case. A culture inadvertently becomes what you, as a leader, tolerate. What are the messages you are sending by avoiding what everyone likely sees as the right decision?
Lost in Gossipville asks:
I work in a large office setting, and for the most part I enjoy the work. We do have one problem though. It seems like everyone is so involved in gossip and back-biting. I don’t like it, but sometimes I get drawn into it. I wish I could just do my job without feeling like I need to participate in the drama. It’s important to me to be liked by my co-workers.
Charrise:
We are judgment-making machines. We focus on “someone else” because it’s a temporary boost to our own self-esteem. What’s funny is that we are a mirror for one another. We wouldn’t recognize a flaw in someone else if we didn’t worry it could be true about us. Gossip is the manifestation of our own fear of not belonging.
You’ve heard the often quoted Mahatma Gandhi: “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” This quote may have been written for you. The only way gossip perpetuates is if it’s repeated. Vow never to join in, and recruit others to do the same. Before you know it, gossip subsides. After all, it’s only fun when others participate. It’s pretty difficult to keep it going if nobody is interested in hearing it. The reality is that others feel the same way you do about it, in their heart of hearts. Be a model for doing the right thing. You get to choose, in every situation, whether you listen to your moral compass or not. Choose wisely.
Do I Have To? asks:
I’m CEO of a mid-sized, family-owned company. In order to stay competitive, I know I can’t lead my company the way I’ve always led it. The people here do not like change, and I feel great loyalty to them for sticking with us through some pretty tough times. However, some changes need to be made. I’m trying to find the courage to do what I know I need to do. Any advice?
Charrise:
Great leaders do what’s right for the greater good. Sometimes, there is short-term pain for long-term gain. Are the changes you want to make good for the big picture of the company and its people? Are they good for the planet? Are they good for the bottom line? Great leaders make decisions that take into consideration all three: people, planet and profit. They do this even if it involves painful change. Your loyalty is misguided if it supports the fear of change. If you’re not growing, you’re dying. How does dying serve anyone?
If you’re serious about creating a culture of change, it must begin with you. Get some help from outside experts who don’t bring bias to the table. Listen with discernment. Trust your gut. Lead change by embracing it yourself. The courage you require is always there when you have the proper conviction that you’re doing what is right.
Ms. Self-Improvement asks:
I am interested in making a commitment to personal development this year. Where do I start? There are so many programs, products and books out there. It’s overwhelming.
Charrise:
Congratulations on your commitment to yourself! There is no investment that pays a greater dividend than the one that supports your own growth. And it can be overwhelming to choose from the sea of personal development options as there are a vast number of books, audio and programs all vying for your attention. Each makes a claim that this is the one thing you must buy to make the changes you want in your life.
I don’t buy it. We arrive in this world created perfectly. We don’t “need” anything outside of ourselves to be whole and happy. This doesn’t mean that engaging in personal development won’t serve a clear and distinct purpose. Although most of the wisdom today is a repackaging of ancient wisdom, what really matters is if and how you hear it.
Books and programs that begin with the premise that you don’t need to be “fixed” are likely great places to start. If they serve to unravel the layers of fear-based thinking that you’ve developed (which are merely habits), that’s a bonus. The right self-growth material will help you remember your innate perfection. And that, my friend, is priceless.
