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Teaching Your Kids to Survive the 15 Minute Bus Ride Home
Bullies Back Then
I grew up in the 80’s. Bullies were pretty easy to spot back then.
Mrs. Night lived across the street and a few houses down. She was old. She was crabby. Her lawn was precise and practical. Not one blade of grass was out of place. If a weed popped up or one blade of grass grew longer than the other, she went out with her sun bonnet and scissors, got down on her hands and knees and went to work. When we would play catch across the street and a ball rolled on to her lawn, within seconds she would zip out of her front door, scoop up our ball and run back inside of her house while she yelled, “I am always watching!” She terrorized us.
The neighbors that lived across the street from us had children who grew up in the 60’s, and they said Mrs. Night was old and mean way back then. We theorized that she must have a room full of balls she had collected through the decades. Mrs. Night was a bully.
Stella bullied me in high school. She had eyes for my then boyfriend and was determined to use whatever scare tactics she could to snatch him from me. She was about six feet tall, her mall bangs taller than she was. She wore acid-washed jeans, a jean jacket, a ripped up flannel shirt and black circles of eyeliner. Every day I saw her in the hallway she would mutter under her breath her choice expletive of the day as she ran into me – absolutely terrifying me. I was so scared of her that my stomach started to hurt, and I started shaking whenever I saw Stella. She smoked. She did drugs. She beat people up on a regular basis. She was a bully.
Those were the eighties. No one worried too much about kids being bullied back then. We were bullied, and we were bullies. We toughed it out and survived, but it wasn’t always easy.
Bullies Now
School is different for my kids. There are meetings about bullies, flyers sent home about bullies, “Bullies Beware” posters, bully reports and bully anger management classes. Everyone talks about the dangers of bullying and being bullied. This is all good. Bully awareness is super important.
With the zero tolerance policy for bullying at school, it is amazing how kids find hidden corners away from the eyes of teachers and supervisors to bully other children. The 15 minute bus ride home from school is the closest place to human depravity my kids have ever seen. It’s where they heard their first swear word, got shoved into the aisle by bigger kids, were told to “shut up” by their bus driver, and one even got punched by an older boy.
On the bus, bullies take advantage of the only adult-free zone of their school day. While the school administrators have systems in place to keep bus bullying from happening, it is nearly impossible to enforce the rules when there is only one adult present on a bus full of active children. Bus drivers need to keep their eyes on the road for the safety of the kids, and they can’t hear every conversation or see through tall bus seats.
A Few Tips for Kids from Kids
My own kids have a whopping total of 13 years of bus riding experience combined. On most days, they have lots of fun with their friends on the bus, and they have learned to cope with bus bullies over the years. They came up with some helpful ideas to share with your kids to help them have a great bus riding experience.
· If you are being bullied, tell a friend. Don’t take it alone. That friend will help you.
· Tell the bus driver. Don’t keep it inside. Bullies like to scare you to keep you quiet.
· Make sure you sit with someone you know will be trustworthy. If you feel uncomfortable with that person, ask the bus driver to move your seat.
· If you see somebody being bullied, stand up for them. Others will help you when you need it if you stand up for them when they need a friend.
We as parents have also learned a few things along the way. Here are some things we have done that have helped.
What Can Parents and Caregivers Do to Help?
· Befriend the bus driver. If the bus driver knows who you are, they will be more likely to look out for your child.
· Be a pest. When you hear of bullying on the bus, call the school transportation phone number to let them know. Chances are the bus driver had no idea about what happened.
· Involve the principal. Let them know in detail about the situation.
· Teach your child to stand up for themselves. Without being physically violent, your child needs to use words against the bully that are full of confidence.
· If the situation does not get better, speak to the parents of the bully; they probably have no idea about what their child is doing on the bus.
Each of my kids has been bullied in one way or another. When it happens, we try to deal with each unique situation with fresh eyes. Every bully is motivated to get what they want, but every bully is hurting and crying out for attention in a negative way. We talk about how they might not have a home where they feel safe. We tell them that some people are just mean. We tell them that bullies bully because they have been bullied, either by their parents or other kids.
When our kids are bullied, I want nothing more than to take out my Mamma Bear claws and fight back. I’m learning to step back and give lots of hugs while helping my kids understand why this might have happened from the bully’s perspective.
We can’t be there to shelter our children from others who might be cruel or unkind to them forever. It’s a bummer, but bullies will always be around. Teaching your kids to recognize bus bullies and equipping them with skills to deal with bullies ahead of time will help them have a fun-filled bus ride home and hopefully lots of great memories to share with their own kids someday.
