Surviving the Holidays--With Four Generations of Family

Lots of people get pretty uptight this time of year and much of it due to dealing with our extended families and their idiosyncrasies. It’s after Thanksgiving; we’ve all just been through it.

 

Sure, we all remember piling screaming kids into the car, driving long distances, arriving frazzled only to find your competitive relative took the guest bedroom, so you’re on the floor.

 

And always, always, out of our kids 37 cousins, somebody with diarrhea, or strep throat, vomiting, coughing or fever had the good sense to come anyways so as not to miss a chance to get you vomiting, coughing and running to the bathroom. 

 

What’s priceless though is that the holidays provide a rare spectacle where all four generations get together for days at a time: the Traditionalists born prior to 1946, the Baby Boomers, Generation X born 1965-1981, and the Millennials. It’s great the first two hours everyone gets together, and inevitably deteriorates from there—but, with this primer to understand their differences, you just might survive!

 

These folks lived through the Great Depression and WWII and are known for sacrifice and setting aside their self-interests for the greater good. Patriotic, loyal and frugal, they have faith in institutions. They built the Interstates and fought the wars, many with only an 8^th grade education. The family institutions that they grew up with, including Thanksgiving and Christmas, also deserve loyalty--and sacrifice. “We can’t come because Chris has swim practice” doesn’t cut it. You’re there unless you’re dying (guess that doesn’t include diarrheal illnesses).

 

Tradition rules, and if you’re going to change anything about the holidays, make it an evolution, not a revolution.

 

But they also have so much history to pass on and so much key knowledge that we need to capture before it’s gone. Make a point of it, this holiday season, to ask a Traditionalist about how America was when they were young.  They have much to teach us, about honor, courage and what sacrifices are needed for freedom to exist.

 

Sheer numbers made this generation the most competitive in history—they just had to compete for everything because there were so many of them. The competed for colleges, jobs, homes, to the point of defining success by luxury cars, bigger houses--anything that made them stand out. At the same time, the Vietnam War, Civil Rights and Women’s Rights made the Boomers became questioners of institutions and authority, while making them optimists and idealists. (Remember the songs of the 60’s? Love, flowers..)

 

So when you see them competing for the biggest, baddest Christmas tree, or turkey, or the conversation turns to who’s got the best anything, remember they can’t help themselves!

The media today depicts Boomers as bumbling, overweight, and befuddled at the younger generations.

 

In reality, they are the sandwich generation. Between taking care of aging parents and kids, they are at the highest risk of burnout. Acknowledging their impact, not their problems, can be more positive.  Their Classic Rock is appreciated by the younger generations. (Just don’t bring your kids to a Who concert or any other aging rockers for that matter -- talk about creepy! Remember them as they were, but I digress…)

 

This is one group that won’t accept aging: “Doctor, I don’t understand why my knees hurt when I dance!”

“Uh, maybe cause…you’re 55?!?”

 

Competitive, stressed out, at times insecure, with the weight of the country on their working shoulders—take it easy on the Boomers! The turkey doesn’t have to be the best one or better than everyone else’s!

(Disclaimer: I’m a Baby Boomer)

 

There were a lot fewer Xers, who subsequently had less competition for jobs and colleges.

They were the ‘latchkey kids,” the first generation born of two working parents, and during that time the divorce rate among their parents tripled. By twenty years old, the average Xer had watched 20,000 hours of television. (I remember Gilligan’s Island and the Flintstones, and that was about it for my TV childhood.) With divorced, working parents, they became resourceful, independent, self-reliant, adaptive, and very, very, skeptical of institutions. MTV, the PC, and AIDs all appeared on their watch, none of which encouraged loyalty towards institutions.

 

They won’t pay the same price the previous two generations did, to achieve success, and for good reason, after watching what they went through.

 

They can go off on their own, get a turkey, figure out what to do with it and probably do it without a time schedule. That is, if they decide that having a turkey is even worthwhile to begin with. Their skepticism may ask what’s the point of the holiday traditions, and what is it with the turkey or Christmas tree anyways? Why not sea bass or steaks? Why do we all have to get together and sleep on the floor again?  Boomers interpret that as flippant, while Xers call Boomers judgmental.

 

The social scientists say that if their skepticism is respected instead of offensive, we may find that they do very well with the other generations if there’s a higher level of communication.

Rather than measuring their work by hours (the Boomers are up at five in the morning to get the turkey ready). Xers get things done on their own schedule.

 

“Eeeeuuw, was that turkey raised in an animal-friendly and globally green environment approved by PETA?” asks the Millennial.

“What’s PETA—People Eating Tasty Animals?” asks the Xer.

 “What’d you pay for it, and is that an American turkey?” asks the Traditionalist.

“Did you get the best one?” asks the Boomer.

 

Environmentally sensitive, this generation also expects technology. They grew up globally connected with 24/7 news about drugs, gangs and violence, but that came at a price: safety is their top priority, according to social studies. They are concerned about many things the other generations would just say, “huh?”

 

They collaborated growing up, and everything was a group project. Don’t be surprised if they are doing the turkey, that it’s done as a group and while texting friends in a different country to ask about what to put in the gravy.

 

This is also the generation of “let’s not keep score in T-ball” and where ribbons were given out for 9^th place. As a result, they are always looking for validation, and parents often complain to us about their 20-25-year-olds texting them daily about almost everything.

 

So there you have it: the four generations together for days under one roof, trying to achieve a common goal: getting along.

 

What will the next generation be like?