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Lucas Miles
Have you heard of cryptozoology? You know, the search for animals whose existence has not yet been proven? The usual suspects of cryptozoology are the Sasquatch (aka Bigfoot) and the Lochness Monster, but I would like to add yet another to this list of alleged animals – the Soul Mate. I think many singles would agree that the search for the seemingly fabled “soul mate” shares much in common with (and perhaps is just as elusive as) Bigfoot. In comparison, those who believe in soul mates do so because of a conviction that the existence of such creatures is out there, albeit “somewhere.” Those who act on their belief are willing to engage in endless searching. Just like an investigator, one gets all suited up to spend time in the animal’s territory –
from bars to the deep backwoods – yet the searcher inevitably comes up empty-handed. Without fail, the endeavor ends with disappointment due to inconclusive evidence. “Did I see what I thought I saw?” “Was he just here, and I missed him?” Oh, the agony of the search! But wait. Before you give up hope, I want to offer a few practical principles to take with you on your hunt for that mysterious creature of the opposite sex we call the “soul mate.”
Thermal Goggles
The first item you must take on your search is a good pair of thermal goggles. Thermal goggles work by showing the light emitted from heat given off by an object. In other words, they show you if the object you’re looking at has a heart.
Good looks, money and a nice car are all great. But if you’re looking for love that lasts, then you need to find someone with heart. A heart connection is perhaps the most important indicator when looking to develop a long-lasting relationship. When on your hunt, keep in mind that all the “animals” you come across are going to be on their best behavior, and when you encounter them, they’ll be giving you their best moves. Insist on looking past this to see the real person. Is this person – with their present morals, existing beliefs and current flaws – the person I really want to spend the rest of my life with? That is the question that needs asking. Often during premarital counseling sessions with couples, I’ll tell them, “Imagine this person on their worst day. If they were like this every single day, would you still want to spend the rest of your life with them?” If you can answer “Yes,” chances are you’ve found the right one.
A Sharp Knife
You need a knife with you, not for your protection, but in order to cut your soul mate free. Like capturing an animal, most relationships are held in place by the ropes of manipulation and control. Negative behavior patterns like this may temporarily hold someone in place, but don’t mistake proximity as closeness or intimacy. True intimacy is developed only when we cut the other person free and see whether they truly want to stay connected to us. On our wedding day, my wife shared with me, “Lucas, I love you. If you ever leave me, hurt me, or even give your affections to another, I won’t go anywhere, and I will always receive you back.” At that point, I knew what love was. The freedom she communicated that day didn’t cause me to want to run because I knew I wasn’t trapped. Instead, this freedom drew me in deeper. Rope might work in capturing the Abominable Snowman, but if you really want to land a partner for life, love them in a way that allows them to be free.
A Mirror
I saved this for last because I believe it to be the most important. In survival situations, a mirror can be used to signal for help and even to use the reflection of the sun to start a fire. But on your journey to find your soul mate, a mirror has an even greater purpose. A mirror can remind you of who you are and your value as a person. The more established you are in your own value and worth, the more qualified you will be to share your heart with another.
Too often, people use relationships as a place to gain value instead of a place to share and celebrate value. Using another as your source of value is called codependency and is perhaps one of the greatest relationship killers. Codependency, the need to have another validate your worth, expresses itself in many ways, such as rushing into relationships without thinking, engaging in sexuality before it’s time in hopes of gaining approval from another, and using emotional responses to manipulate another in order to produce a desired end. Sadly, the list goes on and on. The bottom line is this: another person can never satisfy your need to feel loved and valued. Are you searching for your soul mate? First discover your intrinsic God-given value and then you are ready to live life with another.
On the quest for that man or woman of your dreams, keep this in mind: most animals don’t really hunt – they wait. They find a safe and secure place to take cover as they hold out for the perfect opportunity. Hunting, as many of you have experienced, will wear you out. So, find a safe place to wait, keep developing your own heart, grow as a person and get to know yourself better. You and I both know your soul mate is out there, and my guess is that he is probably closer than you think. In the meantime, keep your eyes peeled and don’t forget your camera!
