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A Few Years…A Few Days…Not the Easy Advice You Want to Hear
Michelle Wegner
The” Easily” Potty Trained Child
The day had finally come. My brother was getting married, and our sweet three-year-old daughter, Maddie, got to dress up like a princess and be flower girl for the day. Her little round-faced, strawberry blonde sister, Whitney, was two, and she got to sit in big church with her grandma for the ceremony. Whitney had been potty trained for a solid month and felt like such a big girl sporting her big girl lacy white tights, panties and dress for the big day. I was worried that she’d wiggle too much or talk out loud during the ceremony. My mother-in-law was confident and happy to watch her, so I left her in those good hands and proceeded to help Maddie get in position, so she could do her duty as Flower girl.
To my amazement, there were no disasters, accidents or toddler wedding blunders. Whitney acted the part of a little lady and stayed completely out of trouble for the hour long ceremony. The success at the ceremony boosted my confidence at sitting through a formal reception with a newly potty trained toddler…
Accidents Happen
She almost made it. She really almost did. “Mommy! I have to poop!” she exclaimed loudly for all the fancy guests to hear. I calmly walked her to the restroom, shut the stall door behind us and began taking her tights off. It was then I realized that she was already halfway done pooping—all over her pretty lacy white big girl tights. It wasn’t just a little messy, it was runny and all up and down her legs…everywhere.
I pulled the wet wipes out of my diaper bag and began the process of cleaning her up. In my frantic attempt at getting her clean, I forgot that she was only halfway done. So, she finished, standing there in the stall, getting it all over the floor, her shoes – and me. With the wet wipes we had left, I cleaned her, the floor, and myself up enough to make ourselves presentable enough for the wedding photos. It was then I realized that I didn’t bring another pair of tights or shoes. So, Whitney proudly danced around to the guests saying, “I pooped!” with bare legs and no pretty shoes.
We left.
Every Child is Different
The funny part about this story is that it really was as hard as potty training got for my husband Rob and I up to that point. Our two oldest girls were potty training champions. As each of them turned two, they decided it was time to grow up, strap on their big girl panties and hope for no accidents. I was a proud, proud mom. I assumed I had done everything right. I followed the recommendations of my mom. I read books and magazine articles that equipped me for the task. You name it—we did it. We set timers, gave stickers and lollipops as rewards and everyone was all roses. When the day of princess panties came for both of them, we gave the girls the credit they deserved, but winked at each other, knowing we had done everything right.
And then our third daughter Isabelle was born.
Isabelle was a sweet, joyful, easy and compliant baby. Nothing rattled her much. She went along with whatever we were doing, with me oblivious to her ever-growing strong will behind that sweet, sweet smile.
When it came time to start potty training, I bought sized 2T princess panties, pulled out the stickers, charts, toys, trinkets, and holding my imaginary stop watch said to her, “Go!”
She didn’t go. We waited and waited. She pretended to be interested, but really had more important things to do. We got impatient and tried to force the issue a few times, especially when she turned three and couldn’t move up to the next church class until she was fully potty trained. After buying a singing potty chair that still couldn’t coax her to come and sit to do her duty, I packed up the panties, stickers, toys, trinkets and imaginary stop watch, but I left the singing potty out, just in case.
Within a few weeks, the potty was interesting to her again. Isabelle walked in, shut the door behind her, pulled down her pull up, went potty, proudly threw away her pull up and never used a pull up or diaper again.
After my husband and I scooped our jaws off the ground, we congratulated her and took her to the store to pick out size 3T princess panties. We looked at each other this time and knew we hadn’t done anything by the book except sit back and wait.
Sorting Through The Advice
The biggest thing we learned about potty training three girls is that every kid is different. There is no surefire method that is guaranteed to work every time. Advice from parenting magazines can be slanted; lots of Mommy bloggers and parenting magazines are paid by various companies to tell you things like:
· The Potty Training in a Day book is your only hope.
· The singing potty chair is the only method that works!
· Don’t emotionally damage your child by potty training too early; invest in disposable diapers now to keep them out of counseling later.
The truth is that you will know when your child is ready. Go with your gut and follow solid advice from a trusted source like your family doctor. Dr. Jesse Hsieh, who practices family medicine at the South Bend Clinic, offers these tips to help in your potty training adventure:
1. Modeling. If you've always been in a diaper and never saw what came out and, better yet, someone else cleans it up, you may never know where that nasty waste product came from. Show your kids when you go to the bathroom what really happens. They need to associate the production of waste products and the need to get rid of them as the first rule of potty training.
2. Get a new baby potty chair for the bathroom. Make a big deal of it. "This is your very own potty!"
3. Set a schedule for potty breaks. If your child is interested, have him or her sit on the potty chair or toilet without a diaper for a few minutes several times a day. Even if your child simply sits there, offer praise for trying and remind your child that he or she can try again later. But as in tip one above, let them know why they're sitting there--to produce something!
4. Rewards help. Some kids will do it just to please you, while the skeptical ones (usually boys who could care less that a large stinky roll is in their pants, will wonder, "So, what's in it for me?" Try using stickers, stars on a chart or another special surprise.
5. Stick with the routine. Everyone involved with the child's care needs to be consistent in following your potty-training routine. This includes baby sitters, grandparents, not to mention mom and dad being on the same page.
6. Accidents can happen, and when they do, be patient. You can tell them that it was an accident—that they need to be changed now, but that next time, “remember to use the potty.”
7. Don't be too "anal" about it. Know when to call it quits. If your child resists, or isn't getting the hang of it, chances are that they aren't ready yet. Try again. Give it a few more months.
