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Charrise
McCrorey is a certified business coach, and
founder of Emergence Business Coaching, LLC.
She is the mother of two grown children, and
she resides in Elkhart with her husband of 25
years. Her extensive corporate sales and management
background lends a unique perspective to her
coaching practice. Charrise volunteers as a
member of the board of directors of the Literacy
Council of St. Joe County, and belongs tot he
Elkhart Chamber of Commerce.
Click
here to view more articles by this author
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If
you have an irrational belief that you must be perfect in
everything you do, like missing deadlines because you vacillate
over getting every detail right, you might be a perfectionist.
To
clarify other traits leading to perfectionism, review the
list below and circle those that are most true for you:
-
Do
you fear rejection?
-
Do
you fear failure?
-
Do
you have the feeling that you are never good enough, or
that your work is never good enough?
-
Is
it unacceptable to make mistakes?
-
Do
you not attempt things you don't do well?
If
more than 3 of the above are true for you, you have a tendency
toward being a perfectionist. Does this tendency serve you
in your life? Here are some ways that it might not:
- You
feel immobilized, causing you not to take action at all
- You
self medicate in order to overcome your feelings of inadequacy
- You
become pessimistic about life in general, since you never
measure up
- You
feel guilty because you miss deadlines
- You
have low self-esteem because you feel like a failure
Fortunately,
there are rational behaviors that can help you overcome your
need to be perfect. First, you must be ready to forgive yourself.
You must accept yourself for who you are as a perfect human
being, with all your imperfections. Begin to eliminate all unrealistic
expectations from your mind. This doesn't mean you can't dream;
it simply means you are better served by opening your mind to
meeting a more realistic expectation.
Reward
yourself for your progress. Be mindful of the baby steps you
make toward letting things go, and reach your hand around your
back to give yourself a pat. Acknowledge the difference between
"ideal" and "real", and temper your judgmental side accordingly.
Love
yourself, and begin believing that you deserve good things.
Realize that the important thing is forward momentum, at whatever
pace. Have compassion for yourself for those times when it gets
difficult to sustain. Let go of destructive behaviors one at
a time, giving you time to make life sustaining changes.
It's
also important to surround yourself with people who do not support
your habit for perfectionism. Other perfectionists enable you
to continue allowing the damage it causes in your life. Choose
to be with people who love and support you unconditionally,
whether or not you are perfect.
There
is a significant difference between high achievers and perfectionists.
High achievers simply aim high. They try a lot of things, and
make a lot of mistakes. They have a strong sense of self, and
are aware enough of their weaknesses to work around and through
them. They don't wait for everything to be perfect to take action,
which means they are in action much more often. The only way
to reach goals is through intentional action, and a high achiever
moves forward, sometimes at 80%, in order to keep moving.
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything,
That's how the light gets in."
~Leonard Cohen
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