Sending
Junior Off to College!
August
is a busy month for families with school age children- but
especially so for families sending a fresh high school graduate
off to college. If you are the parents of a recent high school
graduate planning to leave home for the first time read on.
You will need all the advice and encouragement you can get!
Sending
your child away to college can be a heart-wrenching experience,
regardless if it's your first time or your fifth. Even when
you think you've planned for everything, the day you leave
your son or daughter at the door of their new college dorm
you may be surprised by the complete agony that consumes you
as you wave your final goodbyes. As you walk to your car you
will barely be able to contain the flow of tears that is just
waiting to escape. Once in the car you realize that you must
get away as fast as you can- this is a moment when you need
distance- and fast- between you and your precious child. With
tears flowing and a heavy heart, you begin the long ride home,
and it's a ride you are not likely to ever forget. Sounds
downright dismal, doesn't it? Because it is; that's a fact.
I experienced it myself on two occasions. Everyone I know
who has taken a young adult to college describes similar experiences.
However, there are some things that you can do that may alleviate
your pain- at least a little bit anyway.
Acknowledge
the Struggle.
One
of the best things to do to prepare for this difficult transition
is simply to acknowledge it; take it for what it is. Undoubtedly,
everyone in the family is struggling with a multitude of mixed
emotions. Parents may feel trepidation at the thought of losing
parental control, siblings may feel guilty for being happy
about having one less child around to compete for attention,
and the soon to be college student may be excited about their
independence but at the same time unsure if they can handle
it. All these emotions and perspectives can wreak some serious
havoc with family harmony. Once more, it can be quite frightening.
By openly communicating your own feelings and fears you open
the door for others to acknowledge theirs, which in turn,
clears a path for the honest expression of feelings.
Celebrate
the Years of Preparation
Another
thing to remember is how much you put into preparing for this
day. Hopefully, you have been teaching your children to think
for themselves, to be informed decision makers, and to be
responsible citizens and kind human beings. If you've instilled
self-reliance, self-confidence, and encouraged them to be
assertive self-advocates you've done your job, and done it
well. Remind yourself of these things as you push them out
of the nest. Rest assured; they will fly. If they don't fly
quite as you envisioned, you can still have an influence by
being their mentor and gently guiding them. If you zoom in
as the authoritarian parent they may revolt. They are now
adults, after all. So make sure they know you respect their
independence but also that you will be there for them if they
need you. Celebrate their progress together- as adults.
Let
Go and Enjoy
With
any luck, by the time you turn onto your street from leaving
your student at his/her dorm, your tears have dried up and
your heart is no longer heavy. In fact, you may even have
already begun to realize just how nice it will be to have
one less person to pick-up after, to argue with, to cook for,
to dole out money to, and to accommodate in general. Of course
you'll still feel the heart strings tug the first time you
talk to them or walk into their room, but don't let that get
you down. College is a great experience for most kids and
will be for yours too. They will make you very proud. So let
go and enjoy!
